Tough Love

In my job as a counselor at a Christian Men’s Recovery Program I talk to a lot of families who want their son, nephew, grandson, brother to be free from their addiction while sometimes said individual does not want to be free.  Oftentimes there is a struggle in these families between wanting to help the man and not wanting to enable the man (I say man because I am involved in men’s recovery, but this is also an issue with women).  Sometimes the man has stolen things, wrote bad checks, “borrowed” things for a long time without asking, helped themselves to prescription pills of family members, gotten into legal trouble, etc. etc.  Many times the best thing to do is to not give the man any money or let them live with you.  Why?  Because you are giving them the rope they need to hang themselves.  Also, because while you love them and are putting up with them at 19 years old, it will be a different story at 49 years old.  You may be dead, or you may have finally gotten fed up with them, and now the desire to help them in any way is gone.  So what do we do for them, you ask?  You can talk to them about entering a recovery program, but you cannot force them.  You must sit back and let them choose their own path.  Tell them that you will love them no matter what they do, but that you will not help them commit suicide, that you will not help them destroy themselves.  You have to let them fall down, you have to let them hit rock bottom.  Hitting rock bottom may be the only way for them to realize there is a problem.  As you do this you can pray for them every day, three times a day, seven times a day, begging the Holy Spirit to speak truth into him.  Helping them does not help them.  Helping them is killing them.  Pray that they realize they need more help than you can give – they need God’s help.  If you think that you can help them, you may have a “rescue complex” thinking that you can save the day.  Now is the time for you to realize that only Jesus Christ can save the day.