When I was in high school I did something that I knew that Jesus did not want me to do, and I felt very guilty about it. The Holy Spirit was very clear that I needed to talk to my brother or to the man who was discipling me, but I kept putting it off. As I look back, I am so glad the turn of events happened as they did, for I truly feel that the Lord was teaching me how to kill the secret life. I finally told my brother and it felt so good to confess it to someone. Then I got to college and realized that there is more to this secret life thing than meets the eye. Early on in my marriage I realized that marriage does not take away the struggles of lust and sexual desire. So I started having people that I could talk to about those issues, and pray with them. When I moved to Kenya, this was my greatest concern, and God opened a relationship with a fellow missionary that I could talk to and pray with. Then each time we moved I would get involved in a group where we could share what was going on and pray for each other. Today I meet with some of the guys from my church and we pray together for each other. I believe that this is one of the ways of killing the secret life.
It is when fellowship (true fellowship) with other believers is cut off that the secret life has room to grow and develop. I have heard many times of pastors who have had some kind of huge moral failure. Sometimes it is theft, sometimes it is pornography, sometimes it is an affair, sometimes it is something else. Often those pastors did not have someone who they were sharing with on a regular basis. I know that death by sexual immorality is but a half step away, and so I must put every guard I can to make sure I do not step off the cliff. One way for me has been to have other brothers that I regularly talk to about my most intimate life – the thoughts that go on in my head. If you have no one like this in your life, I encourage you to 1. Pray that God would lead a person who can keep you accountable to you. 2. Be the type of person who can also keep someone else accountable.
This is also a ministry of grace. Those men throughout my life who I have confessed things to and told about my struggles – they know me intimately, and yet they continue to love me and point me to the only One who can give us the self-control we need. Falling on our face is sometimes the only way God can lead us to talking to him. Those men in my life have been extremely important. “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17).
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