The Marathon Marriage

As a gift to each of my four children I run a marathon for each of them and give them the T-shirt when they turn 8 years old, as a part of their 8 year rite of passage.  More on that in later posts.  I have learned many things from running marathons, and marathoning is a lot like a marriage.  I will run with you through my most recent marathon and show how it applies to marriage.
Mile 1.  Even though I have run 5 marathons, I always forget how hard a marathon is at the beginning.  I have been prepping and training for this for months.  This mile is so easy.  I get cocky.  I run too fast.  Every time.  I have a goal time.  I am always running too fast the first mile.  It is so easy.  So many people are watching.  And I start to wonder if I could beat the Kenyans.
Marriage 1.  All my life I looked forward to marriage, to being able to "run."  My honeymoon was fun.  Wow!  Marriage was going to be like a vacation.  I knew everything about marriage at the beginning.  All the goals that I had for my marriage, and the way I thought it would be would be a piece of cake. 
Mile 2.  This mile was even faster than the first.  I almost was sprinting without knowing it.  Hey, can I help it if this is easy for me.  Maybe I will win!
Marriage 2.  I am a great husband.  My wife, how could she love anyone but me.  This is easy.
Mile 3.  A guy who is also running starts talking to me.  He is either doing the half marathon or the 5k.  I start talking with him, and entering into conversation.  I forget something.  I am here to do something hard.  He is here to do something easy.  I can't talk to him like I can quit in 2 miles.
Marriage 3.  Not everyone is out to do a marathon marriage.  Some are doing only a 5k.  They are not here for endurance.  They will have one woman today.  Next summer they will have another.  Other people are running different races.  I need to remember what race I am in - marathoners run to the end.  In the marathon marriage, the ONLY thing that stops you is death.
Mile 4.  I see my family cheering me on.  Joy fills me to overflowing.
Marriage 4.  A baby is born.  A child learns to read.  A home is bought and we move in.  There are those good times in life that make this so much fun and fill us with joy.
Mile 5.  Keep pace.  Keep pace.  Stay relaxed.  Easy now.  Not too fast.
Marriage 5.  I realize that I am stupid.  I know nothing.  I forget it all so quick.  I remind myself of the basics of what I have always known.  I love her.  She loves me.  I know that she loves me.  Jesus Christ wears the pants in our family.
Mile 6.  Keep pace.  No do not follow them, they are going too fast.  Pace yourself.  The goal is to finish the whole marathon, and for that I must pace myself.
Marriage 6.  What helps my marriage keep pace?  In marriage we must run together.  How do we run together?  This is the key question to answer.  Stay on pace.  Stay together.  Let the others run their race.  We will run ours.
Mile 7.  Pace.  Stay on pace.
Marriage 7.  Stay together.
Mile 8.  Yes, yes, stay on pace, but I am looking at my watch so much that I am missing out on the marathon.
Marriage 8.  We are looking forward so much to that next thing, that mile marker, that move, that event, that we miss what is happening now.
Mile 9.  Have fun.
Marriage 9.  Yes, marriage was actually meant to be fun.  Running together.
Mile 10.  Good pace, at this rate I will break 3 hours like I wanted to.
Marriage 10.  Things seem so often to go so smoothly.  Marriage WILL be what I wanted.
Mile 11.  My parents cheer me on.  That feels good.
Marriage 11.  People tell us that they think our marriage is the best they have known.  Wow!  That feels good.
Mile 12.  Uut-ooh.  The pace slackened.  I need to speed up a little.
Marriage 12.  Staying together.  Not running farther ahead.  Not falling behind.  Running as one unit.
Mile 13.  I see my time.  It is 1:30:30ish.  That means I have to run another 13 miles, but a little quicker.  A small voice whispers "give up."  I do not feel horrible, but do I really want to do this for another 13 miles?
Marriage 13.  Mid-life crisis maybe.  Seven year itch maybe.  Something small is saying "give up."  What will be our answer?  Will we give up when discouraged?  Will we quit?  To answer this question the marathon marriage way is to continue in marriage.  To turn from the marathon, to turn from the marriage, is to admit defeat.
Mile 14.  I answered that I will keep running.  Just keep running, just keep running.
Marriage 14.  We will continue in marriage.  We will not turn from it.
Mile 15.  I start singing praise songs to Jesus Christ my Lord.  This brings renewed energy.  I run on pace.
Marriage 15.  As my wife and I praise our Lord together, the marriage becomes better and easier.
Mile 16.  I continue to praise Him.
Marriage 16.  We continue to seek God and what He wants for us.  Praising Him together brings us closer together.
Mile 17.  I continue to praise Jesus and I think that I have hit that "second wind."
Marriage 17.  This is that mountaintop experience that feeling like flying.  All is going so well, and Jesus is everything and He is so good.  Our marriage is in Him.
Mile 18.  Uut-ooh.  I feel a tinge of being tired.
Marriage 18.  This is getting a little hard.  Maybe we are talking about finances too much.  Maybe the kid's schooling is not going well.  This is getting hard.
Mile 19.  No one is cheering me on at all.  I am running through a desert.
Marriage 19.  That part of the marriage that is the hardest is that part in which no one cheers you on.  No one says, "Good job."  I must either run on or quit and no one seems to care about my marriage at all.  Will I continue to run without any praise at all?
Mile 20.  The pain has increased.  The power gel that I tried to get from the volunteer dropped out of my hands.  I lost a chance at some energy.  My stomach hurts.  Ooh-boy.  This is hard.
Marriage 20.  This is hard.  I always somehow knew that.  Everything seems to be going wrong.  We are fighting.  She is wrong and she will not admit it.  I try to play the Holy Spirit's role.  Is this ever hard.
Mile 21.  I continue on even though my pace is much slower.  I now know that I will not make my goal of breaking three hours.  I must decide to run or not.
Marriage 21.  My goals fall to the ground.  This is not what I thought it would be like.  This is not how I imagined it.  The Holy Spirit now tells me that I was wrong.  We run.
Mile 22.  This is so hard.  I feel that I must give up.  It is silly to keep running.
Marriage 22.  Many tell you to quit.  Any sensible person would leave a person like that.  "Just quit."
Mile 23.  This is so so so hard. I take it one step at a time.  I will finish.  I will finish.  I will finish.
Marriage 23.  This is when the marriage is very hard and giving up makes more sense than staying.  A marathon marriage never quits.  Even when everyone says to leave.  It makes sense.
Mile 24.  My legs cramp up and I can't move.  I have to stop.  I am about to fall to the pavement.  Who is that?  It is my wife.  She is the shoulder that I reach for.  We walk together a while.  Then we slowly begin to jog.
Marriage 24.  This is when the child dies, when someone cheats, when they say it is cancer.  As in the marathon, the only way this can be finished is together.  My wife is, and always has been, my greatest support.
Mile 25.  We continue to jog together.  It is such a blessing to have her with me.
Marriage 25.  The hard things will either bring us closer or kill us.  We are together.
Mile 26.  We see the finish line.  We are about to finish.  I would have beed dead without her.
Marriage 26.  The finish line comes and I see that as we endured together, we were running to Jesus.