Rites of Passage

When we lived in East Africa, they had a rite of passage when the kids were entering puberty that was very involved and even more controversial, both from the Western and newer African perspective, because it involves the circumcision of girls and often excludes girls from an education.  This rite is so important for the youth though, that even if their families tell them not to do it, they often sneak off to do it, to have a name.  I want to share our rites of passage in our home, how we tell our kids who they are.  We have three different rites of passage, at 8, 12, and 16 years old.  Each rite of passage has a different focus.  The 8 year rite of passage focuses on their relationship with God.  The 12 year rite of passage focuses on their relationship with people.  The 16 year rite of passage focuses on their relationship with themselves.  More on these rites of passage in coming posts.

Communal Living

My wife and I have had several experiences of communal living in our lives so far.  Communal living is when two or more families live together in the same house.  That's our definition at least.  We lived with my dad after my mom died and when our first son was born.  My wife's sister also lived with us for a time and that experience was one I look back on and wonder, "What in the heck was I thinking?"  Because my own emotions were a roller coaster of death and life, and I had two wives, one I was married to and living with, and one "wife" who was my dad that I gave emotional support to.  I do not regret it, though, as it shaped my life.  Our first experience as a family was in communal living.  Then we left for Africa and lived communally with a family in a nice urban house, and then moved to a less nice rural house with three families pooping in buckets, living in candlelight, and listening to the rooster on the front porch.  At the end of our time in Africa, communal living was our savior, and our Savior opened the door for it.  Then we moved back to the states and lived with my brother and his wife as they found out that they were pregnant (extreme positive emotion), and then that the baby would most likely die (extreme negative emotion).  Later, my wife's other sister moved in with us for a time and then for a time again.  I feel that communal living is much like a marathon.  When you are doing it, you realize that this was a bad idea.  But when you have finished it, you start trying to figure out a way to do it again.  Our children have grown up knowing communal living, and also being blessed with close relationships with family and missionaries.  So this is an idea, not to rush into lightly, that could change your life.

Photo Books

This is actually one of my wife's ideas, but I am writing about it.  She makes these photobooks from Shutterfly of each year of our family's life.  In a way it is kind of like a family yearbook.  She puts pictures and words and decorates them in her special way.  When she is making one, she is in the zone, and usually all else falls to the sidelines.  They are very cool.  We don't have photobooks for every year of our family's life yet, but we are back to 2006.  So we have 1999 to 2005 to go, plus all the years we continue to add in our orbits around the sun.  If you are a scrapbooker, you would probably like this a lot, because it is easier than scrapbooking, and the book is usually sturdier.  As a Christian family, these books are always testimonies to how our Lord Jesus Christ has worked in our life.  The down side is they are expensive, but in a way it is an investment to future generations to read and to see how God has worked in our family.

Bunk Beds

I grew up with a bunk bed.  I slept on the bottom and my brother slept on top.  Now our kids have bunk beds.  I think bunk beds are a good idea.  Here are my top ten reasons to get a bunk bed.
10.  It saves space.
9.  It can be a cave.
8.  It can be a jungle gym.
7.  Jumping or falling off it can introduce your children to the emergency room (I guess that is not so good).
6.  It can be a place of confession.
5.  It can be a place to introduce your kids to Jesus.
4.  It can be a pirate ship.
3.  It can be something that your kid would think up that you would not.
2.  It can be a piece of furniture passed down.
1.  What's your reason?

Family Olympics

When I was in a family with my brother and our parents we had family olympics.  There were various events like running a mile, burping the longest, spitting, lip synching, and whatever else we wanted to do, because it was our Olympics.  Oh yeah, of course it had SolarQuest.  How could it not?  So we have not done an olympics with our kids yet, but when we do, we will be sure to do things they want to do like drawing, sword fighting, acting like a dog, etc, etc.  So what would you do for your olympics?  A lot of people are going to watch the London 2012 Summer Olympics coming up.  Soon everyone will forget them.  The olympics you do with your family will be something your kids will never forget.

Kid Birding

Some of you know what birding is; some of you don't.  It is looking for birds and getting to know the different kinds of birds.  I am not that advanced of a birder, but I get my kids into birding.  They know what a lot of birds are like cardinals, house sparrows, and european starlings.  They are getting to know killdeer, chickadees, and nuthatches.  How can birding be fun for kids?  Good question.  My ten year old reminded me how he remembers this one tree because I was looking at my first yellow warbler (and my first warbler).  So learn about a few birds and show your kids.  Learn their calls and songs.  It can be fun for kids.

Nix the Cable Bill

Here are my top ten reasons to nix your cable bill:
10.  You will have more money.
9.  You will burn more calories (you burn more calories staring at a blank wall than watching TV).
8.  You will buy less stuff because you will be out of the loop when it comes to commercials.
7.  You will read more, or if you can't read, you may learn how.
6.  Your husband will have fewer images of half naked women he is not married to.
5.  Your elementary school boys will have fewer images of half naked women you hope he never marries.
4.  Your elementary school girls will have fewer anorexic images of half naked girls whose only value is how good they look.
3.  You may find yourself praying.
2.  You may read the Bible.
1.  Possibly, it may lead to talking, and maybe you and your spouse will find more fun things to do than watching TV.

My Daughter's Salon

An idea from my daughter:  I have a salon and you get lay down massages, and you get shoulder massages, and you get back massages, and you get hand massages, and you get a wata booe (a wata booe is getting towels over your head and you just sit and close your eyes on the black chair).  You have to pay if you are not in my family.  And you can see a dog show.  And my daughter made it up and she has one partner, my brother.  This is how the massages are given.  For the back massage you put towels on your body and on your head and on your arms and legs, and then you roll a toy with wheels up and down your back.  If you want to find out more about the salon, you must find out for yourself. . . .

Marry someone who is a good cook

This is especially true if you are not one, which I am not.  Some people get excited to go to gourmet restaurants, and I have had good food in good restaurants.  But I have also had okay food in good restaurants.  My wife loved to cook, and she does it well.  If you don't think cooking is a spiritual gift, tell me what else the priests did in the Old Testament besides cook.  Even Jesus cooked fish, right?!  My wife makes a good almond crusted tilapia, and also a heavenly chocolate mocha cheesecake.  When we lived in Kenya and everyone around us was eating ugali, I was eating Tex-Mex Chicken.  Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.  She knows how to cook.  I did not really know this before I got married, but now that I do know it I want to share something with you.  If you are not yet married and you cannot cook, pray for a spouse who can cook.  If you are not married and you can cook, pray for a spouse who likes to eat.

P.R.E.A.C.H.

If you are a pastor or ever preach, you may find this interesting.  I have an acronym, P.R.E.A.C.H., which most of my sermons basically follow.  I got this from Groomes five movements in college, but I have adapted it to be a little easier to remember.
Present situation - introduce the topic by talking about it in terms of our present situation.
Reflect on it - reflect on the present situation, evaluating it somewhat, questioning it, analyzing it.
Enter the story - transition to the Bible in terms of that situation and those lingering questions.
Apply the story - apply that Bible story back to our present situation, and our questions
Choose a response - offer some ways to respond to the story in light of our situation.
Homework - this is what happens on Monday.

International Straight Run Day

I don't know what you did in college, but I did some things that most people would call stupid.  Every year on February the 15th, the cross country guys would run straight.  What do I mean?  I mean we would run straight, wherever straight took us - always off the path, always through a river, sometimes close by death itself. My wife was upset when I did this at flood stage river in cold mid-Feb weather while she was pregnant with our first child.  Today I ran straight with my four children.  Did we go through a river?  Not this time, but if they have my blood, which they do, it will only be a matter of time before we are swimming across rivers together on the path called straight.

Les Miserables

In our house we sing a lot.  Some of us are good singers.  Others of us do not know how to sing really at all.  But we sing on.  We sing musicals, from White Christmas to The Sound of Music to West Side Story to Singin in The Rain.  Now we mostly sing Les Mis.  "Do you hear the people sing, singing a song of angry men, it is the sound of a people who will not be slaves again, when the beating of your heart echoes the beating of the drum, its the sound about to start when tomorrow comes. . ."  Maybe your family sings, maybe it doesn't.  Music is very powerful.  Especially songs sung to Jesus Christ.  Even little ones who can't yet speak are effected by music, and they may sing before the speak.  How can music in our house lead all of us closer to Jesus?  That is a good question to ask.

Be Missionaries

My wife and I went to East Africa with a mission organization for two years.  Our main role was to teach the children of the other missionary families.  I remember a missionary kid at the college I went to say that everyone should spend at least two years overseas.  I never did get that out of my head. Hmmm.  We went.  It was really really hard.  What did we learn?  Here are a few things:  1.  Learning language IS ministry, but it is also hard.  2.  A night is a year.  3.  It is easy to adapt to no electricity and no running water.  4.  It is not easy to adapt to being an alien.  5.  Coca-cola is everywhere, literally.  6.  The United States is not as bad as I thought it was.  7.  No matter how wonderful your spouse is, you must lean all on Jesus.  8.  Lots of more things that I don't have words for in this language I am typing in, but maybe you who are reading this should think, hmmm, should I/we go and be missionaries?  This post was for you.

Commando Balls

My brother went to Philaselphia with KingdomWorks when he was in college in the 1990s.  He came back with a game that would revolutionize our lives.  There are other games that we like, such as Settler's of Catan, Solarquest, and Mafia.  There may be games that you like such as World of Warcraft, Doom, Monopoly, or Risk.  I don't know what you like, you do.  But one game stands above all other games.  And it is not a game that you can buy in the stores.  It is a game that is taught.  No other game is so much fun.  My wife and I played this game on our first date.  My brother proposed to his wife during the game (she said yes).  What is the game you ask? 
Commando Balls.  J.E. coined the name, and before she named it I think it was just "the game."  How do you play?  Turn all the lights off.  Go to one room with the lights on and door shut.  Draw names.  The one who draws "Killer"  goes out into the darkness and hides with 8 aluminum foil balls (the size of small marbles).  The others are all cops, and after a minute or so go out in search of the killer.  If killed, they must silently drop their ammo (they get 5 foil balls) and go back to the beginning room, without a sound.  How do you get killed, you ask?  By getting hit by a foil ball.  So the killer wants to kill all the cops, and each cop wants to be the one to kill the killer.  But there is a catch.  Not all cops are good.  There is one bad cop, a cop who can kill not only the killer, but also other cops as well.  Once the killer is killed, or all ther cops are killed, the fun starts again after you pick up 53 foil balls in the house.

Family Running

I am a runner.  I ran cross country and track in high school and college, and have run five marathons.  People are sometimes amazed at me when they hear I go for 20 mile training runs and run and run.  I know something they often do not know.  The hardest part is running around the block.  If you can get yourself to run around the block, that is the hardest part of running.  Getting up and running around the block.  So one of my goals is to run around the block with my kids.  This is something we are trying, not something we perfected.  Why is it so hard?  The bed feels so good.  It is dark.  It is cold.  So some days I get my kids bundled up and we run around the block, sometimes we run around the block several times.  Other times like today, the bed felt too too good.  So you want to know what it takes to be a runner.  Just run around the block.  That's the hardest part.  Also, don't get as frustrated as I do when the kids whine.  It could be fun family time.  It could be.

Star Names

In our house we each have a star name.  Abraham was told to look up and count the stars, and that was how many descendants he would have.  Biblically, as descendants of Abraham, we have a symbolic connection to the stars.  Some people pay a couple of hundred bucks to have a star named after them or someone they love.  That star is almost always one that you can either barley see, or only see with a telescope.  There are lots of stars with names.  I tell my kids, "That is your star.  That is your star name."  Many places list the top 20 or 50 brightest stars.  I am not going to tell you what our star names are, but here are a few cool stars to pick from. 
Sirius, Arcturus, Vega, Castor, Pollux, Betelguese, Rigel, Rigel Kent, Acrux, Canopus, Fomalhaut, Aldebaran, Antares, Mira, Saiph, Capella, Polaris, Dubhe, Deneb, Altair.
The trick is finding them without your iphone ap.

Writing the Bible

In our house we have went back about a thousand years and started writing the Bible together.  Our children are in the midst of learning to write and read and spell, and it seems that there is no better idea in my mind than to write the Bible together.  Each person takes a book and starts to write that book.  And so each person may write 11 books average in our family of six.  As we complete a certain number of books as a family, we get a reward.  When we finish the whole Bible as a family, and all 66 books are written, we get a big reward - a trip somewhere everyone likes.  That's what we are doing.  We are scribes.  May we not in writing the Bible miss He who it speaks about.  Bless this project for your glory Jesus Christ.

The Marathon Marriage

As a gift to each of my four children I run a marathon for each of them and give them the T-shirt when they turn 8 years old, as a part of their 8 year rite of passage.  More on that in later posts.  I have learned many things from running marathons, and marathoning is a lot like a marriage.  I will run with you through my most recent marathon and show how it applies to marriage.
Mile 1.  Even though I have run 5 marathons, I always forget how hard a marathon is at the beginning.  I have been prepping and training for this for months.  This mile is so easy.  I get cocky.  I run too fast.  Every time.  I have a goal time.  I am always running too fast the first mile.  It is so easy.  So many people are watching.  And I start to wonder if I could beat the Kenyans.
Marriage 1.  All my life I looked forward to marriage, to being able to "run."  My honeymoon was fun.  Wow!  Marriage was going to be like a vacation.  I knew everything about marriage at the beginning.  All the goals that I had for my marriage, and the way I thought it would be would be a piece of cake. 
Mile 2.  This mile was even faster than the first.  I almost was sprinting without knowing it.  Hey, can I help it if this is easy for me.  Maybe I will win!
Marriage 2.  I am a great husband.  My wife, how could she love anyone but me.  This is easy.
Mile 3.  A guy who is also running starts talking to me.  He is either doing the half marathon or the 5k.  I start talking with him, and entering into conversation.  I forget something.  I am here to do something hard.  He is here to do something easy.  I can't talk to him like I can quit in 2 miles.
Marriage 3.  Not everyone is out to do a marathon marriage.  Some are doing only a 5k.  They are not here for endurance.  They will have one woman today.  Next summer they will have another.  Other people are running different races.  I need to remember what race I am in - marathoners run to the end.  In the marathon marriage, the ONLY thing that stops you is death.
Mile 4.  I see my family cheering me on.  Joy fills me to overflowing.
Marriage 4.  A baby is born.  A child learns to read.  A home is bought and we move in.  There are those good times in life that make this so much fun and fill us with joy.
Mile 5.  Keep pace.  Keep pace.  Stay relaxed.  Easy now.  Not too fast.
Marriage 5.  I realize that I am stupid.  I know nothing.  I forget it all so quick.  I remind myself of the basics of what I have always known.  I love her.  She loves me.  I know that she loves me.  Jesus Christ wears the pants in our family.
Mile 6.  Keep pace.  No do not follow them, they are going too fast.  Pace yourself.  The goal is to finish the whole marathon, and for that I must pace myself.
Marriage 6.  What helps my marriage keep pace?  In marriage we must run together.  How do we run together?  This is the key question to answer.  Stay on pace.  Stay together.  Let the others run their race.  We will run ours.
Mile 7.  Pace.  Stay on pace.
Marriage 7.  Stay together.
Mile 8.  Yes, yes, stay on pace, but I am looking at my watch so much that I am missing out on the marathon.
Marriage 8.  We are looking forward so much to that next thing, that mile marker, that move, that event, that we miss what is happening now.
Mile 9.  Have fun.
Marriage 9.  Yes, marriage was actually meant to be fun.  Running together.
Mile 10.  Good pace, at this rate I will break 3 hours like I wanted to.
Marriage 10.  Things seem so often to go so smoothly.  Marriage WILL be what I wanted.
Mile 11.  My parents cheer me on.  That feels good.
Marriage 11.  People tell us that they think our marriage is the best they have known.  Wow!  That feels good.
Mile 12.  Uut-ooh.  The pace slackened.  I need to speed up a little.
Marriage 12.  Staying together.  Not running farther ahead.  Not falling behind.  Running as one unit.
Mile 13.  I see my time.  It is 1:30:30ish.  That means I have to run another 13 miles, but a little quicker.  A small voice whispers "give up."  I do not feel horrible, but do I really want to do this for another 13 miles?
Marriage 13.  Mid-life crisis maybe.  Seven year itch maybe.  Something small is saying "give up."  What will be our answer?  Will we give up when discouraged?  Will we quit?  To answer this question the marathon marriage way is to continue in marriage.  To turn from the marathon, to turn from the marriage, is to admit defeat.
Mile 14.  I answered that I will keep running.  Just keep running, just keep running.
Marriage 14.  We will continue in marriage.  We will not turn from it.
Mile 15.  I start singing praise songs to Jesus Christ my Lord.  This brings renewed energy.  I run on pace.
Marriage 15.  As my wife and I praise our Lord together, the marriage becomes better and easier.
Mile 16.  I continue to praise Him.
Marriage 16.  We continue to seek God and what He wants for us.  Praising Him together brings us closer together.
Mile 17.  I continue to praise Jesus and I think that I have hit that "second wind."
Marriage 17.  This is that mountaintop experience that feeling like flying.  All is going so well, and Jesus is everything and He is so good.  Our marriage is in Him.
Mile 18.  Uut-ooh.  I feel a tinge of being tired.
Marriage 18.  This is getting a little hard.  Maybe we are talking about finances too much.  Maybe the kid's schooling is not going well.  This is getting hard.
Mile 19.  No one is cheering me on at all.  I am running through a desert.
Marriage 19.  That part of the marriage that is the hardest is that part in which no one cheers you on.  No one says, "Good job."  I must either run on or quit and no one seems to care about my marriage at all.  Will I continue to run without any praise at all?
Mile 20.  The pain has increased.  The power gel that I tried to get from the volunteer dropped out of my hands.  I lost a chance at some energy.  My stomach hurts.  Ooh-boy.  This is hard.
Marriage 20.  This is hard.  I always somehow knew that.  Everything seems to be going wrong.  We are fighting.  She is wrong and she will not admit it.  I try to play the Holy Spirit's role.  Is this ever hard.
Mile 21.  I continue on even though my pace is much slower.  I now know that I will not make my goal of breaking three hours.  I must decide to run or not.
Marriage 21.  My goals fall to the ground.  This is not what I thought it would be like.  This is not how I imagined it.  The Holy Spirit now tells me that I was wrong.  We run.
Mile 22.  This is so hard.  I feel that I must give up.  It is silly to keep running.
Marriage 22.  Many tell you to quit.  Any sensible person would leave a person like that.  "Just quit."
Mile 23.  This is so so so hard. I take it one step at a time.  I will finish.  I will finish.  I will finish.
Marriage 23.  This is when the marriage is very hard and giving up makes more sense than staying.  A marathon marriage never quits.  Even when everyone says to leave.  It makes sense.
Mile 24.  My legs cramp up and I can't move.  I have to stop.  I am about to fall to the pavement.  Who is that?  It is my wife.  She is the shoulder that I reach for.  We walk together a while.  Then we slowly begin to jog.
Marriage 24.  This is when the child dies, when someone cheats, when they say it is cancer.  As in the marathon, the only way this can be finished is together.  My wife is, and always has been, my greatest support.
Mile 25.  We continue to jog together.  It is such a blessing to have her with me.
Marriage 25.  The hard things will either bring us closer or kill us.  We are together.
Mile 26.  We see the finish line.  We are about to finish.  I would have beed dead without her.
Marriage 26.  The finish line comes and I see that as we endured together, we were running to Jesus.

Going on walks

We get family exercise by going on walks.  We often take our dogs.  There is a park with a playground about a half mile away.  Sometimes we walk there and back with a stop to play at the playground.  Sometimes we get in the van and drive to the river trail.  There is a paved bike trail a mile away from our house.  We drive there and then we walk.  The benefits of our walk:  1.  exercise for all.  2.  time to talk to each other.  3.  experiencing God's creation.  4.  fun.

Tucking them in

When putting the kids to bed after they go to the bathroom and brush their teeth we pray for them.  We climb into their individual beds.  Dad prays for them.  Then mom prays for them.  Then we hug and kiss them.  It goes something like this, although it is quite varied:  Dad: "Dear Jesus, thank you for Hannah/Daddy, Daddy, pray for my leg, it hurts real bad/and please be with her leg, and help it to feel better/Daddy, Daddy don't forget to pray for my baby doll/and thank you so much for what a wonderful daughter we have, and also be with her baby doll and help the baby doll not to wake Hannah up at night.  Amen."  Mom: "Dear God, thank you for Hannah, thank you that she is fearfully and wonderfully made.  I pray that you would guide and direct her life/Mommy, Mommy, my leg too, and don't forget the baby doll/and help her leg to feel better and be with her baby doll.  Amen."  Then we give our daughter a hug and a kiss.  We do that same thing for each of our four children.  We feel that this has been a great idea.  My parents prayed for me, and this is the prayer they prayed, "Lord, make up for our mistakes."

The Best Idea

Like you, we know too many people who have been separated or divorced, and see how easy it is for a marriage to go bad.  How does a Christian couple remain committed to each other?  How do they keep the committment they made to God and everyone that they would, "have and hold, til death do us part" and never part until death?  We do not in any way claim to have the answer, but here is our idea.  Every night before you sleep, pray with your spouse.  Never go to sleep without doing this.  We have been doing this for more than a decade, and we believe that it has helped enormously.

some good ideas, some not so good ideas

We are a Christian family.  Maybe not so different from you.  We have four children who are blessings from God.  We have a lot of ideas.  Some of the ideas are good.  Some of the ideas are not so good.  Feel free to use these ideas or adapt them for your family.  Also feel free to comment on your own Christian family ideas.