Carefrontation

When I was in college at a Christian University, someone introduced me to the idea of care-frontation.  Confrontation sounds so bad right?  It often can go bad, especially when I am confronting my kids.  I am also a soccer coach and I coach the blue team.  Often I have to yell these two words from the sidelines of a game, "SAME TEAM!"  I feel like someone should yell these two words to me when I am yelling at my kids.

Let me discuss three main aspects of how confrontation usually goes normally with my children. After something triggers my anger I decide what the main goal is, and 1. the main goal is for me to win the arguement.  After the main goal is established, I go about accomplish it by 2. the strategy of fight or flight (mostly fight), by using my voice as a weapon.  3.  I see myself as my ally, and the kids are my enemies.

Funny how this confrontation style, the one that comes naturally to me, is not very effective.  It usually creates a war in which win or lose I always feel horrid about later.  Is there any hope for confrontation, or should we not confront?

That is where Paul in Galatians 6:1 helps us in describing what I think is where people must have found the idea of carefrontation.

"Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness.  Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted."

Essentially Paul was crying, "SAME TEAM!"

1.  The goal is not for me to win but for the team to win.  Restore him to what? - to the team.
2.  The way toward restoration is not fight or flight, but in a spirit of gentleness.  If I come calmly, the other person will not as easily perceive me as the enemy.
3.  The enemy is myself.  There is no I in team.  Not only could I fall prey to the very sin the other person was caught in, but I could be caught in the more destructive sin of self-righteousness and pride.

How can you do this in your life?

Decide who God is leading you to confront.
1.  See the goal as a team win not an individual win (same team).
2.  Approach not as an enemy, but as a friend (same team).
3.  Watch yourself, especially lifting yourself above the other (same team).